nextgenerationmarvel | Mending Bridges

It took a lot, but Alisa was finally stabilized. Her nero-implants helped to stabilize her powers, while therapists had worked on her mind. It was a bitter pill to swallow, as it meant she had to take personal responsibility for her own actions. She went back to Alistaire willingly, she hurt people on his word, and she napalmed many good bridges that could have helped her. She had sub-consciously set herself up for failure, because she believed she was not worth the effort.

That ends now. Instead of going home to Alistaire, as she would have in the past, Alisa went back to the mansion she bought in Westchester. She began to set the place up as a proper home, taking pride in the small steps she took. To ensure she would not fall back into the same traps, she went to a therapist twice a week, changed her number, avoided going into the City (for now), and tried to do more normal things.

With her self esteem and self worth coming back, Alisa began to feel more like a normal person. No longer was she a weapon or a prized item. She was finally seeing herself as a person, and it felt good. However, there was still work to be done.

As Alisa sat in her sitting room, she picked up her phone and began to dial a number. There would be no repairing bridges over-night, she knew that. And rejections did not mean she was a bad person. She would have to work, and harder than before to repair all the damage her self sabotaging had done, and the first step was to apologize to those she hurt (and actually mean it. Not just do it to make herself feel better).

"Hello? Xavier Institute? May I please speak with Mrs. Rachel Ramsey please? Yes, I will hold." Her accent was barely there. The damage she took nearly wiped it out, but faint traces of it could be heard at times.

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The phone call was unexpected. She was also a little leery about what it could mean. She stared at her phone for a moment before picking it up.

"This is Professor Ramsey."

"Professor Ramsey, dis is..." She thought for a moment. It was a bit hard to hide who she was, and now she just feels so awkward. "This is Alisa LeBeau. I ask that you please do not hang up de phone on me. I know what I did was wrong. I broke your trust, and trust is not easy to fix. I was not ready to join the Institute, I realize dat now."

There was a painful sincerity to her voice as she spoke, and it was genuine in nature.

"I was too busy blaming others for my own actions and failures to realize I was destroying what good dere was around me. because I felt that I never deserved it. I wanted to call and apologize for my actions and the chaos I caused you. It was my fault."

Rachel raised an eyebrow. Alisa never had problems speaking with sincerity. The redhead just wasn't sure if the sincerity was coming from the right place. Though against better judgement, she did not hang up.

"I'm listening." She glanced at the filing cabinet. A drawer opened and out floated the envelope Alisa had sent her.

"Every problem I had, I diverted blame. I blamed Alistaire, my powers, everyt'ing around me so I would not have to face de reality dat I was to blame." She looked down for a moment before continuing to speak. "It was easier to blame others and my powers for what was clearly my fault. I went with Alistaire willingly, because I believed dat was all I deserved in life. But dat's not true. I deserve to be treated right. Wit' respect and love... but de minute I felt any o' dat, I sabotaged myself out of fear or some strange belief I was not worthy."

The envelope Alisa had sent long ago had a check inside, along with a short note that she was sending back her tuition, and that the school should keep the money. It also contained a shorter apology. One less sincere than what she was saying now. Then again, it was sent sometime ago.

"I doubt you believe a word I am saying. I do not expect you to. An apology like dis will not fix all de damage I had done overnight. It's not like waving some magic wand and repairing a broken bridge. It is more or less like taking duct-tape and holding it together, before it can be fully repaired. Fragile, shaky... but a start."

The envelope sank back into the cabinet. It had been opened and read, but the check had not been cashed. Rachel took a breath.

"Miss Lebeau, you offer a lot of words and reasons. You had one strict condition to be allowed at this school. You are offering an apology, but at this point, why should I trust what you are saying to me?"

Alisa thought for a moment, her eyes look out her window as she spoke once more.

"I am not asking for anyt'ing, Mrs. Ramsey. You can do what you like wit' my apology. You can believe it or you can dis-believe it. It is up to you, because I can' make you forgive me. All I can do is tell you I am sorry and I am learning from my actions and getting better. You deserve more den dat, but it is all I can offer right now."

Rachel drummed her fingertips on top of the blueprints on her desk. She had not put any thought toward Alisa since she had received that letter.

"Miss Lebeau, I think you missed my point." Rachel's voice was calm. She wasn't particularly bothered. She settled back into her plush chair.

"You say a lot. You tell people a lot of things. That you made this call can be counted as a positive action. However, it's your actions that I pay attention to. If you harbor intentions to return to Xavier's, I won't dissuade you. However, you will have an uphill battle to be even allowed past the front gates. And it will take time."

"I would like to come back, oui. But I did not ask for that at the start of this call because we both know I am still not ready and have much work to do before I should even bring it up in a conversation. I thought an apology was a proper first step, though." Alisa spoke softly.

"Words are just words, but dey are a start, no? And I know I will have an uphill battle. I have plenty of time on my hands, and wish to do things the right way, Mrs. Ramsey. And right now... I need to continue working on myself before any of that can happen. To ensure I will not do more "harm" to myself, or to anyone around me."

"Yes, Miss Lebeau, work on yourself. When you have a solid foundation there, you'll find ideas how to help and get into the school's good graces. Until that time, avoid anyone surnamed Shaw who is not Stephanie." That covered the whole list. The less people with Hellfire claws in them around campus, the better. Rachel had her figurative hands full with the ones she had already.

"Anything else?"

"Believe me when I say I am staying as far away as possible from anyone named "Shaw"." There was no anger in her voice, nor any signs that she was insulted (something she would have probably felt before). Instead, there is more of a relieved sound to her.

"I am living in Westchester, now. Far away from any influences of de City. I even went as far as to change my phone number, and put de police on speed dial should someone show up. I doubt you believe me, as my previous history has shown me going back to Alistaire Shaw. But I cannot do it, I cannot degrade or punish myself anymore by going back to him. I'm... worth something. I am not an object or weapon, as long as I do not allow myself to be treated as such."

When asked if there was anything else, Alisa shook her head on her end of the phone.

"Non, dat is all, unless you require my new phone number and address? Also... I apologize if my phone call has bothered you. It was not my intention."

"It's been no bother." She meant that. A small break from going over the new renovation plans could have been in order. Getting the school up to snuff by fall may make Rachel crazy.

"I'll take down the information." The more information they had about mutants in the area, the better they wouldn't be caught flatfooted.

Alisa spoke clearly when she gave her new home address and phone number. She repeated anything that needed repeated when asked, without getting snotty or angry. This information was important, she she did not have as much attitude as she once had. She was more, humbled.

"Thank you, Mrs. Ramsey. When I can think of something and feel well enough, I will contact the school again." She felt her lips actually curl into a small smile. "Until dat time, please take care of yourself."

Alisa hung up her phone after Good-byes were exchanged and got up. She could use a nice cup of tea and another book to read right about now. Rachel was right, there was going to be a big up-hill battle to be able to mend that bridge back to the school. But it was going to be worth it all, in the end.

Mending Bridges

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