nextgenerationmarvel | Getting to Know You (Ilya)

He laughed. he thought it was so cute how Ilya made sounds of enjoyment when he tried new foods. He shook his head before speaking.

"It is quite alright! It just makes me happy you enjoy my cooking!" He smiled, taking a bite out of his own sandwich before going to answer those questions he was asked.

"Well, I am the youngest in my family. My eldest brother is nineteen years older than I am, and my middle brother is seven years older." He took a brief sip of his milk before continuing. "My Da is the lead singer of a rock band that travels all over Europe called "The Dead Nights". My Mum manages his band, so... I do not see them often, if at all."

"Me brother Dayton, the eldest, took over raising Charles and myself by the time I was five and he was twelve. He was busy trying to become a crown prosecutor, but always found time to come to my school plays or when I competed in horseback ridding. Charles, me middle brother... never wanted to be around. He left home by sixteen and was busy building his own rock band."

He sipped more milk, feeling a bit nervous about talking about his family. He loved them, but his absentee parents and one bitter brother often brought back hurt.

"My Da and Mum are both heavy drug users and alcoholics. They got caught up in that "Rock and Roll" lifestyle, and never stopped. Not for me or me brothers. Dayton, was like both parents rolled up into one. And that made me feel bad. He should have never been forced to take up a role so young."

Ilya is fascinated by the information he's being given, partially because it's so different from anything he's ever known but mostly because it pertains to Dolemeck, and he's not sure how to feel about what he hears. There were alcoholics in Ayon, to be sure, but the nature of living on an Arctic island meant that the parents and extended family were still there. The loneliness of not having them hit Ilya hard when SHIELD explained to him what had happened - and he grew up with them. To know they were alive and just not choosing to be involved seemed worse.

He reached over and took Dolemeck's free hand, squeezing it gently. "Your brother Charles sounds like a great guy. Don't feel bad for things that are out of your control. It's not like anyone chooses who their family is."

Not sure of what else to say, he takes a sip of his own milk, still contemplative. One thing was certain: he would never leave Dolemeck like that, for anything.

He held on to Ilya's hand. It was so comforting and warm.

"You mean Dayton. Charles is the one in the band." he chuckled softly. "Aye, Dayton is an amazing man. He studied so hard to get to where he is, today. and yet, he never stopped caring for me brother and I to further his goals. Because of him, I have a love of books, know how important education is, and developed compassion for others."

"As for what is important to me? My friends and family are very important to me. Along with my education." His fingers moved over Ilya's. "As for what makes me happy? Well, sewing clothes and making things for loved ones makes me happy."

"It's hard to keep siblings straight in my head. My parents had wanted more kids after me but seeing the reaction that most people had to me... well, that put a stop to that. I guess my love of reading really comes from my grandparents, since they helped teach me what they could when my parents were exhausted from working or gone for a few days." It's hard to talk about his own family; he'd much rather hear more about Dolemeck's, but he's not sure it's a good idea to press for any excess details on a subject that clearly has a lot of depth to it. Maybe it's best to let him come forward with details on his own and not push him.

"You can sew? My grandmother tried to teach me, but, um. It didn't work out." His cheeks go red at the memory of managing to sew his own pant legs together while wearing them, and he looks down to their hands instead. "You're a generous person, you know. I don't think I've ever met someone who wasn't related to me who treated me so well, like I really matter."

"Because I was left unable to walk unaided, I was not allowed to take gym at school. So, I was sent to the all girl's school while my own had gym, to take home economics classes. I discovered that I liked to sew and cook, and that I was pretty good at it."

When Ilya complimented him on his kindness and generosity, Dolemeck's smile grew a bit more. It only faded slightly when Ilya mentioned that he never met someone who was not related to him, that thought he mattered. He dragged himself over, and gave Ilya a hug.

"You matter to me, just as you matter to everyone else at this school." He spoke in a soft, gentle tone. "All life matters, Ilya. You matter, and you should not forget that, ever."

"All those girls got to meet you and none of them made a move?" he's a little incredulous, here. Then he's being hugged, and his immediate instinct was to hug back and hold on, smiling at the warmth he felt that had nothing to do with body heat and everything to do with Dolemeck's words. Can they stay like this forever? He doesn't want to pull away, and he might be clinging a little too hard, for reasons even he doesn't understand.

"Sometimes I'm not sure I should be here. Not just at school, I mean alive, at all - I'm not suicidal or anything, I. It's." Deep, slow breath. He can do this. "My family is gone. Everyone is dead except me now and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm lost. The Institute is just my attempt at finding some kind of purpose now." He knows that must sound bad, so he adds, quietly, "And then I met you. And you make things sound possible that I don't usually let myself think are. You're good for me. But I'm not sure I've done anything good for you, yet."

"No... leg braces are a bit of a turn off." Dolemeck grinned when he was asked about the girls at that school. "I'd even get questions like "does it still work" and such."

He took the time to listen to everything Ilya told him. his hands gently rubbed his arms and back as they hugged, trying to keep him calm.

"I am sorry you lost your family. No one should go through that, Ilya." He continued to open his heart to him, knowing it was something Ilya needed. No. It was something they both needed. "I know it is not much, and it may not make you feel completely better... but this school can be your new family. That is what this place is to me. It is perhaps the most stable place I have ever been."

He had a few tears in his own eyes. Ilya was so pained. While not the same as his own pain, it had a familiar feel to it.

"You have done wonderful things for me, already. I can talk to you, like really talk to you. I do not have to hide my pain, and you do not treat me like I am different or awkward." He went back to smiling. "You give me hope, for so many things, and you make my heart flutter. I never felt that before."

He can't help but blush at the 'does it still work' mention. Great, now he's going to think about Dolemeck naked and he's not sure his healing factor can keep up with that level of blushing, embarrassment and utter flailing.

Ilya's arms shift so he can bury his head more comfortably into the crook of Dolemeck's neck. He feels so safe like this, so warm. It's been so long since anyone did anything but tell him to move on. SHIELD never had much sympathy; they always acted as if they were ready for him to snap. This is what's been missing from his life, this kind of love, this type of moment.

"I know this place is wonderful. I already feel better having you. I just - I want my family back. I don't know what the future will be for me anymore. I used to think that I'd go back to Ayon Island and live there, but there isn't anything or anyone there for me now. The polar station's closed and so many people have left the island that my old town isn't even inhabited anymore. And then I feel guilty for complaining about any of that when I'm here and everything is so good and I have you, and you mean so much to me. I don't understand why I can't just be happy with all the good things in my life."

Oh, wow, that was a lot of emotional gibberish. Did he really just spew all that out? Did any of it make sense? He wasn't even sure why he let himself say it, just that he felt like he could, like Dolemeck equaled safety.

"You are different. You're special to me. I've never connected to anyone like this." It's a little scary, but it feels too right to pull away from.

"There is nothing wrong with those feelings, Ilya." He hurt that Ilya was so confused and in such pain, emotionally. "I still long for my parents, and my home back in England. But I know those are things I can never have. My brother tells me it is too dangerous to live back home, and my parents..."

It hurt. It hurt to admit that they chose drugs, alcohol, groupies, and fame over him. He used to admire his father so much, until he saw what a terrible man he could be. Did he ever know him, or had he only known his addiction?

"Maybe... after we graduate, we can go see Ayon together?" he asked, his hand now gently running through Ilya's hair. "Would that make you happy, even if it was just us there?"

"Why is it too dangerous to live back home for you? You're perfectly capable of taking care of yourself from what I can see." He pressed a soft kiss to Dolemeck's neck, trying to comfort him even as he himself was being comforted. "I don't know if it would help go to Ayon. My hometown, Elvuney, is just houses and snow now. Everyone who stayed moved into the town of Ayon proper, and my mother's home island, Ryyanranot, is under 'government protection' now. No one can go there, not even the Chukchis who used to live there and who gave it its' name." With a self-deprecating laugh, he adds, "It'll be a long time before someone like me graduates anyway, Dolemeck."

His eyes widened, feeling Ilya's lips move over his neck. That cause a slight stir inside of him. Like his heart went past jack rabbit speed and went to ludicrous speed. He may have given off a slight moan, and his hands may have held on to Ilya a bit more.

He fought to keep himself composed as he spoke to Ilya.

"I do not want to hear you being so negative about yourself, Ilya." He smiled, not sounding cruel or demanding. "You will graduate by the time I do, because you work hard, Ilya. And I will help you, along with the teachers at this school if you need it."

That reaction stirred something inside him, and he didn't quite know what it was or why he felt like something was shifting in their dynamic. But he pressed another kiss to Dolemeck's skin, gingerly, testing the waters without really knowing what response was good or bad.

"I'd rather get help from you than anyone else. I'm sorry if that's selfish. I just I want to be with you. You're everything I didn't know I needed." He presses little kisses inbetween his next words to punctuate them. "Unprejudiced. Sweet. Optimistic."

With each kiss, he came closer to blurting out that three word phrase he'd never had use for in the English language: I love you. But that was crazy, right? He'd be crazy to say that. Or worse, he'd scare Dolemeck off. Is there a book on romance? He needs to find it, and read it, immediately. Instead he slips back into Russian. "Zvezda moya, zolotse..."

His mind was starting to fog up. On one hand, he knew they were moving rather quickly. More at the speed of light, actually. On the other, he had feelings for Ilya unlike any other person.

Gently, Dolemeck's hands moved to Ilya's shoulders, pushing him back some so he could look at his face. He had such a beautiful smile, and looked quite adorable when blushing.

"Ilya, you said you wished to do something for me, Aye? Then I want you to at least once a day compliment yourself. Look in a mirror and say something good." He wanted Ilya to love himself, as much as he had started to fall in love with him. "I just... I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. See how much of a gentle soul you are. How everything you say to put you down is so wrong."

He then leaned in, kissing Ilya's forehead, and then his lips.

"You will have to teach me Russian. I know you called me those words last time, and that they must mean something special to you..."

"Okay. I can try that," he promised, looking into Dolemeck's eyes. They were such a remarkable color up close that he could get lost in them. Dolemeck was right, too; he probably liked Ilya more than Ilya had ever liked himself, even before being kicked out of school and working in the mines. There was just nothing there that struck Ilya as worth remarking on, not in a good way.

But Dolemeck could change that, maybe. He must not be too terrible, if he could make the other boy happy. And wasn't the point of a new beginning to see things with new eyes? Ilya could try, with people like this backing him up, to see beyond the labels. It wouldn't be easy, but it'd be worth it to get Dolemeck to smile.

He kissed him back, still new and not sure of how to do it, feeling a rush of warmth go through him at the simple affection. "It's just a term of endearment. You'd probably think it's silly if I translated it - Russian has a lot of things that foreigners think are crazy." After all, it was a language where 'mouse' and 'sun' were terms of endearment, too. Ilya didn't deny they were important words, though. He was bad at lying unless he actually believed the lie completely. Biting his lip, he looked away for a moment. "It means 'my star'."

"I do not find that silly in the least." His smile was as large as it ever could be. "I really like that. "My Star". I truly mean that much to you?"

Dolemeck's own self esteem could be questionable at times. Kids back home did not want to be his friend, even before he was hit by the car. The only time anyone wanted to be his friend, was when they wanted an autograph or something from his father's band. It could have truly effected him in the worst ways, but his brother reminded him that he was a wonderful person, and would one day make real friends. To never give up, even when times got hard.

He wanted to give that same knowledge to Ilya. To have him see he was worthy of not just love, but friendship, education, the world if he wanted it.

"Ilya, thank you."

"Yeah. It's... my mother always told me that when people are meant to be together, when they die, they stay together in death as stars in the sky. And there aren't any stars that are completely alone. When I was working in the mines in Pevek, the only thing I really had were the clothes on my back and a small window in my room. I used to wonder if maybe she was wrong. Maybe there were stars that were too far from the others to be connected. It was easy to lose hope, but sometimes having that window gave me a hope, too, that she was right."

He's nervous now, scared that his beliefs are about to get the laughter they usually pulled from non-Chukchi people. Even his grandparents had barely concealed their dismissal of ideas like that. And it's continually surprising and scary just how much he keeps pouring out to Dolemeck. He knows he shouldn't, and it just all comes out anyway in droves.

"I guess I was looking out the wrong window all that time. My star is here." He kisses Dolemeck tenderly on the cheek for emphasis.

"Your Mum had some beautiful ideas. What she said is very poetic." He did enjoy such a theory. It was so beautiful and heartfelt. Ilya's mother must have been a wonderful woman. He just felt bad he could not meet her one day. "You know, some stars are too far away to see, just as you said. But, sometimes you need to travel to find them."

The kiss on his cheek was very welcome, and the two just continued to hold one and other. Ilya was so honest with him. They shared things, personal things, things that made them both nervous. And once they did that, they they felt closer and less nervous.

"I am honored to be your Star, then." His voice was soft once again. "You make me believe in things I never thought about. Good things, Ilya."

"There are a lot of Chukchi beliefs like that. And a lot of Russian jokes about them, too. I don't know much about the actual science of stars. But I know they look different down here out of the Arctic Circle. Different in a good way, not a bad one," he clarified, growing more comfortable as the embrace went on. He could live like this, really just being close to someone who understood him. Ilya didn't need the world, he just needed not to be alone.

"What kind of things?" Ilya's curious still about how Dolemeck's mind works, how someone raised in such a less than ideal situation who had something so awful happen to him can be so smart and strong and yet so very human at the same time.

"Wonderful things, I can assure you." He looked up at the sky. "I will be honest, soon after the accident, people treated me worse than when I could walk. I would go crying into a pillow at night because of the isolation. People just wanted to be my friend for albums and autographs from me Da. Once they got those things... well, they stopped caring, wanting me around, or being my friend. I was never invited to go out to have fun, and often made fun of."

He looked a little hurt, but just for a moment.

"My brother kept encouraging me, telling me to never give up hope. He kept telling me one day I would make a good friends who I would have for life, and that I would find the right person who would love me more than I could imagine."

His smile returned, as his hand went to play with Ilya's hair.

"At this school, I met people. Friends I think I will have for life. And I met you, someone who i think is that special someone me brother talked about. Like it was just... fate, as silly as that may sound to you."

"Then they weren't people you needed in your life, Dolemeck. They weren't going to be any good for you if they'd stayed around. The people here are different, different from anyone I've ever met. You can trust the friends you've made here. And you can trust me in. Because I don't think fate is silly. I don't think anything you've said is silly."

He kissed Dolemeck on the forehead, almost reverently. "It must have been fate. I don't believe that SHIELD took an interest in me when they did, that I was where they could find me in the first place, that my healing factor kept me from dying of radiation sickness, all for nothing. All those things had to be leading somewhere, to something or someone, and who's to say it wasn't to you?"

"Perhaps it was more than just me." he was trying to be somewhat modest. "You are in a good place here, Ilya. You will get a wonderful education, have friends, a future of your choosing and not anyone else's!"

He wondered if they were two of the sappiest people in the school. Not that he cared. They were both happy, and that was all that mattered.

"So, aside from fate, and me manly arms..." That was a joke, as he was rather "lean". No, that was too generous a word. Dolemeck was scrawny. "What are you thinking about right now? Honestly."

"Maybe. But you're the important part to me." There will be no argument here. This is not, to Ilya, up for discussion. "I know that I'll have someone by my side as I figure out why things fell into place for me to be here, and that's more than I've had in a long time."

He smiles, running a hand up Dolemeck's side. He was on the thin side, true, but not in an unhealthy way. Ilya had seen all the degrees of unhealthy skinniness, from the alcoholics who didn't eat to the undernourished miners to those dying of radiation poisoning, and he knew the difference. He might nag Dolemeck to eat a little more, but only if it meant doing that together. Any excuse was a good one, after all.

"Honestly? That... well, don't be mad? But there's still sort of, well, something big that I'm afraid to tell you. I don't want to lose you. I've lost a lot of people - everyone, even my town and at the rate that things are shifting, maybe the entire island. And yet I don't ever want to lie to you because you've never lied to me and you've opened up, so it's stupid that I'm not being that open back." A pause, and he sighs. "My own thoughts give me a headache sometimes."

The feeling of his hand moving along his side was a new one. Dolemeck was worried his body might give off a reaction that could spook the two of them and ruin the moment. Instead, he tried to focus on what Ilya was telling him.

"Ilya, you can tell me anything. I am not going to judge you, nor am I going to tell anyone else if you do." He did his best to reassure him, kissing his forehead to try and ease up on that headache he had. "You are not going to drive me away. And if you are not ready to tell me, I can just wait until you are, aye? No pressure."

Edited 2014-12-07 10:14 (UTC)

He swallows thickly, not sure what to do or think. He has an out. Dolemeck just gave him a magnificent one, a way to bow out and never bring up the whole truth again with a simple deflection of 'I'm not ready'. It's tempting. It's horrifically tempting to just abandon thinking and the past and fall headlong into this, this love, this moment, a world he finally has a tiny bit of control over.

But it would be lying. Lying by omission is still lying. So he takes a deep breath and tries to find a starting point. He won't lie to Dolemeck. He cares too much to do that. "The mines in Pevek were a cover. They - you know about Captain America, how he was given the super soldier serum and changed? The government was trying to recreate it, but everyone kept dying in the trial runs of the serums they came up with. So they took people who wouldn't be missed, trumped up charges to put them away in places like the mining camp, and then picked off people from that to try the latest attempt at a serum on. If it poisoned everybody and ten people were suddenly dead, it was a mining accident or disease caused by living in close quarters. It helped uranium was in the mines and that was legendary in how toxic it was.

I was picked as one of the people they were going to do a trial run on. It didn't work, obviously. But my mutations all got revealed at once, and they thought that meant it had worked. So they were going to send me to European Russia, to be trained. I don't know what they were going to do to me. I didn't have anywhere to run to and they promised me my family would be compensated. I was stupid. They could've had horrible plans and I just went along with it, got on the train like an obedient little olovyannyy soldatik."

Give him a moment. There's a lot of memories that stall him, make him have to take steadying breaths. He realizes belatedly his voice has gotten quiet and he's shaking slightly - he remembers the pain, writhing on the floor, things thrown about in a telekinetic maelstrom, telepathically crying out while his healing factor fought at the poison burning him from the inside out. The floor was cold, uneven wood. He thinks he'll remember that kind of tiny detail for life.

He falls silent, lost for a bit in the memory.

Dolemeck fell silent for a bit. He held Ilya against him, feeling him shake so badly as he spoke. This must have pained him so much. How could anyone... how could such things happen?

Instead of asking questions, he just held Ilya, allowing him to continue when ready. Applying pressure might cause more harm than good, so it was just best to sit and listen. Let him know he was there and being as supportive as possible.

His hands moved up and down Ilya's back, trying to keep Ilya from shaking so badly.

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